I'm feeling the wave of loneliness, which I used to feel after coming back from my clubbing sessions. Hmm, it's been a long time since I felt that. I guess it's kind of due to disappointment. I expected my 21st birthday party to be so awesome and spent so much time, money and effort planning everything. And it was really pretty. But in the end, despite how hard I prayed, the rain still kept falling. Also, I wanted a real nice heart-felt message from him but all I got was such a generic message I just rolled my eyes. Seriously, my heart just sank.

On December 31 last year, I had such confidence that 2009 would be a great year. As the months go by, I'm not so sure anymore. It might be because of my high expectations though. As much as I'm really touched by some of my friends, I didn't get what I really really wanted. And because of today's rain, my faith really took a whammy. I know sometimes things don't happen for a reason we may not know until later, but still, the immature part of me feels so discouraged.

I suppose I must really remind myself that only two months have passed, there's still a long way to go and things may look up.

I don't know. Sometimes I get tired of psyching myself that things will always work out in the end.