Edit (20/5/09): Grades have been better than they've ever been! A- for CAT, A for Psych, B+ for Nego, A- for FT and B+ for Finance!

There, exams are over and there were not too bad I must say. I think I'm probably able to get an A- for CAT, B+ for Psych, A- for Nego, B+ for FT and B/B- for Finance?

Now... for an elaboration on one of my previous posts.

On my MSN personal message, I wrote that this sem has been crazy, but undeniably fulfilling. Well, fulfilling was not exactly the word I had in mind, but I didn't want to sound neurotic and emo.

This sem has been a significant period in my life. It has changed me, forced me to grow stronger, harder, and... sometimes I wonder, blinder?

Perseverence
From my hopefulness on the first day of the new year, to my despair from the 5th to 19th January. I've never felt so many extreme emotional ups and downs in a long time. When I was happy, I shone for all to see, and I could even tell that other people want to be as happy as me. But when I was sad, especially during that two weeks when it first occurred to me that there may be something going on between them, I just lost my appetite, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't stop thinking and my heart really felt like it was being pierced with each passing thought. Since then, I've managed to look on the bright side again, since nothing has been confirmed afterall. Yet, I know that sometimes I'm forcing myself to keep my chin up, forcing myself to get back up again and keep on hoping no matter what. But I'm so afraid that I'll cross the line from being optimistic to delusional.

Self-Control
In the midst of my emotional outbursts- times where I longed to let it all out, talk to someone who could give me real first-hand advice, instead of the other "safe" friends I've been confiding in who could only give me general advice since they don't know the parties involved- I restrained myself. I don't know if this is healthy or not but it's definitely better for the situation. I still remember in JC when I actually made the stupid phonecall to him. I'm so glad I'm managing to resist all of these futile urges. I don't even show my true feelings much on MSN, I just try to give a positive outlook to all those who know me. But like I said, I don't know if it's healthy to just bottle things up like that.

Also, with regards to interpreting his actions and words, I am so much more logical and rational. I think it's partly due to AS being drilled into my head twice. It's good. I still trust my intuition, but before doing anything, I objectively weigh the consequences and so far, I am happy with the choices I've made.

I just have to rest and have faith.


Just jotting down a list of places I want to go after exams in case I forget!

1) Sentosa
2) Holland V

I am so freakin' dead for Finance. I'm doing my cheatsheet now but I don't think I'll understand it when the time comes! :s


Today was the first day of study break. Did almost 10 questions of Finance which is considered quite a feat since my records used to be like... 4 mcqs per day. Hah.

As expected, only a few people showed. Jessica, Terence and Jonathan. It was pretty productive but I didn't enjoy studying like I used to anymore. It's okay, I prepared myself for it anyway.

I think I've somehow matured alot over this whole incident. Comparing it to the JC times, I have much more control over my emotions and actions. Like I don't put silly personal messages on my MSN which may lead to detrimental effects, or I don't do things on impulse anymore (well, not so often anyway). Also, my perspective on things are more rational, realistic, and yet optimistic too. Some may call it dogmatism, but to me it's called faith.

I'm still believing. (:


Every now and then I guess I should remember to blog. To keep myself in check, and for me to look back upon when I get older. And... to make sure blogger doesn't shut this blog down.

So today was the Adrace skating clinic which I totally didn't want to go because duh, I'd rather stay at home at study. It's Week 13 again and I've a freaking lot of things to do! Surprisingly it wasn't that bad. It's amusing to see how dreaded I am to skate now, after the pressure of organising Skate Day. Like a 180 degrees flip from last term. It's also because of a change in the people mix I guess. I really miss who we used to have. The people from last December, whom I stayed over in school with and went to KL with. I miss them alot. I miss what we all used to have.

Above all, I'll have to admit that I can attribute it to one sole reason. I realised I can't be too direct because there are ways for people to find your blog out of nowhere! I found my friend's blog through google images and another of my friend found another of my friend's blog through goodness-knows-where! It's always be better to be safe than sorry. So, that important reason is for me and me to know only.

I'm trying to hold on before it fades away.