A free lazy Monday afternoon. The way I like it. I had time to tidy up my wardrobe for a while, before I got bored, afterwhich I sat on my sofa looking at my television screen. Yep, I wasn't watching any show, just looking at it and rotting. Youyi called, and later I am going to practise my pieces a little and maybe run around my estate. I love running. Makes me feel real, my heart thumping against my chest in sync with feet pounding the ground. The light sweat, the shortness of breath. In my opinion it's gives you the same rush as slashing yourself except that it's way healthier. Hmm, maybe I'll get back to my wardrobe too if I have time.

Camp was fun, but very transient. I had expected it to be something like orientation in SAJC where our group hung out like, all the time, even after orientation was over. Instead, it's been a week and I haven't even gone for a single gathering with any of my groups from either camps. I think everyone's probably forgotten each other. I myself can hardly remember the people I met. But I guess it's only natural since the camps only lasted three days each.






Afternoon high-tea at White Dog Cafe! We were supposed to be shopping at Vivo actually but they were late and hungry so only I did the shopping and they did the eating. Brokeeeee.


It's my last "free" week before camp starts. Not like I had many to start with. In fact, this holiday, I didn't really have time to enjoy myself being thoroughly bored. There's always something on.

I see my family like, only once a week? Feeling quite guilty about going out so much because I know my parents don't like it. I'm all tired out but I still can't say no. I'm don't know what's good for myself man.

One of these days I'm hoping to just cancel every single thing and spend the whole week at home rejuvenating.


Lot's wife.

So I too am often that pillar of salt. Stuck and hardened between where I never should have been and where I need to go. If only I could have the strength to let go. I try to reason, to rationalize why certain things are good for me. And even if they aren't good for me, they are good for someone, right? At least one person, right? Wrong. There is no good there. There is nothing to be redeemed. It must be destroyed. The relationship cannot exist. The only thing that can be saved is me. And only if I leave and don't look back. Never look back.

Yet I can't help it. I take the first step away. I leave where I should have never been towards where I must go. If only I can make it there and leave this behind. Truly leave behind me what aims to bring me down and destroy me with it. If I can keep going it will be gone forever. If I can let go, it will lose its power to hurt me. And yet, time and time again, I look back. And I am once again as frozen as that pillar of salt.


- Sara Esther Crispe, A Pillar of Salt